Thursday, 28 November 2013

Attitude of Gratitude

I think I just realized that I haven't announced my pregnancy to the blog world, although I think most of you know by sorry if you don't!  Anywho, my due date was November 22...that's 6 days ago. I will say that my due date and the 2 days that followed were tough.  I was weepy and feeling all out of control of my life and my body.  I don't like to be out of control.

A few things have been said to me that have helped put things into perspective.  One was from my pastor,  Fr. Bala who reminded me that every time someone called me or emailed or texted or stopped me at Church to ask how I was feeling, it wasn't to make me crazy, yet only out of love and concern.  While I knew this all along, it helped to hear it.  He said to reflect on how many people care about me instead of how anxious it was making me.  (I'm feeling so much better about this, so if you are one of the people checking on me, don't stop!!!).

The second came from my friend, Sue (one of the ones texting to tell me she was praying for me).  I told her I think that by being overdue, I was being taught a lesson in "letting go" and was not experiencing peace.  Again...hard for this control freak.  She told me this:  "Put yourself before the Presence of Our Lord.  Squeeze your hands really much you are holding onto it...then slowly open your hands and hand it to him!!  He wants it!!  Stay in His Presence!! That's MY peace, just sayin'."  After she sent me this message, I realized that I was literally walking around with my fists clenched.  I have since let it go and feel such peace.

The last thing I heard was last night and is more about preparing me for the pain of childbirth I will be enduring soon.  It was from a podcast by Fr. Michael Schmitz on his homily from 11/24 called "The Plan."  He said this:  "Here is Eve, and she doesn't trust in God's love, and so she turns in on herself.  And so what does God say?  God says, 'The problem is that you've turned in on yourself.  The solution is that you need to die to yourself.  And so what am I going to do?  I am going to allow you to experience pain in bringing forth life so that you can know the cost of love.'  The point of that pain in childbirth is not punishment.  It's meant to be remedial training.  Eve didn't know how to love, so I am going to teach you that love costs something."  How beautiful is that?!  That God gave me this message so that I can reflect on dying to self and that love costs something.  The end result of my pain will be the love of a baby.

All of this is mainly for me to look back on in the future and see how I was feeling when I was 41 weeks pregnant.  I'm very grateful today.  Grateful to be pregnant when I know so many others who long to conceive and can't.  I'm grateful that I got to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with my sweet family and not in the hospital.  I'm grateful that God has a plan for me and this little one's arrival.   And while I don't know when it will be, I do know it WILL BE EVENTUALLY!!!  I won't be pregnant forever.  In the meantime, I am letting go of control slowly but surely.  Oh, and here is a pic of how I look at this point.  As much as I hate to post this big mama pic of me (or a pic of me at all), I know I'll want this on here to remember.  I wish I could post the ones of me and the kids...they are super cute.  I'm also grateful that physically, I feel good.  Things could be worse, right?  Thanks to you all for your prayers.  I definitely feel them...keep them coming!  I'll let ya'll know when sweet angel arrives!


BB Tucker said...

Wow, Holly. You are such a Woman of God, and I love these last several posts.
Congratulations on your latest family addition, your daughter. How blessed she is to come into your home, to be raised by such Godly parents. HE knew before time that you would love her and fill her with His words and wisdom. We all need her!
Miss you, but know you are where you need to be. Love to you all.

Donna said...

Beautiful- this is such a blessing to me- thank you for sharing. And you looked awesome!