Took Me Awhile to Get Here

It was Wednesday night and I had remembered a bath recipe my sister had sent me a few months back, and I knew I needed it.  So as I ran my bath, I collapsed on my bed.  Could I even make it to the bath tub again?  I felt my fever coming back...third day in a row.  I had just gotten the little kids to bed after we returned from the dreaded pediatrician.  I had no other choice but to take them there, as we were on days 4 and 5 of fevers with them.  No strep, doctor said, and ears looked fine.  He said we are all coming off of the flu.  I'm exhausted and wondering why this happens during Christmas basket week at Church.  They week that I get a hands on way of showing the children about giving to those less fortunate than us.  We had missed all of the activities except Thursday night (and I knew by the way I was feeling at that time, I wasn't going that night either).

I looked over on my bedside table and found a book that my friend gave me a few weeks ago.  Then it hit me.  I have wasted three days of my life in front of the television.  I watched everything I ever recorded on my DVR, and then started new shows I'd never watched before.  I hadn't read a single book.  I had done my normal devotionals, but I had ignored the down time given to me during a normally busy time of year.  I always long for more time to read, and never have it.  Here it was, and I wasted it.

So I took 1,000 Gifts into my long soak and read.  Wow, was it what I needed.  This is totally paraphrased, and not at all poetic and beautiful like the author explains it...consider this a warning.  She says that if life is a canvas with a painting, the tragedies we go through are rips in the canvas.  She has a realization that the rip may just be an opening through which we can see God.  Absolutely a beautiful way to look at suffering.

Now, I'm not comparing my family having the flu to the loss and suffering of those who lose loved ones, or have terrible illnesses.  What I'm saying is, it was not in "my plans."  And I believe it was God's attempt at getting my attention and maybe giving me the break I would not give myself so that I would cling to him.